Anticipation

Here it is, my big race, the thing I've been waiting for all year and I feel completely unprepared! I chose to say "waiting" instead of "training" because well lets be honest I've done less training than I had hoped to, and now that I sit on the eve of my big race I would be lying if I didn't say I had some regret for missing so many workouts so close to my race day. Now that I sit here thinking back on my season and how it has strayed far from my plan I can't help but to wonder what, if anything went wrong.

This was a year full of high expectation. I purchased a new bike, hired a new coach, and really had the desire to change my priorities around. As I looked back on my season I have mixed feelings about it. My times were faster than last year, but always fell short of what I wanted to meet. I probably missed just as many workouts as I made and I don't feel like I've met any of my season goals. Are these really failures? Does this mean that I'm sub-par? Or does this mean my goals were to high and I expected to much out of myself? Honestly I think the answer is no. I heard a quote the other day and I think it very appropriate.

"The greatest danger for most of us in not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it's too low and we hit it." - Michelangelo

As I thought about it I realized that even though I sent high goals just because I missed them doesn't mean I didn't accomplish anything. I did beat my times from last year and I also found out the other day that I place 3rd in my age group for the series. Tri The Parks is a local triathlon series that goes from state park to state park in Georgia. For each race you get a certain number of points and at the end of the series they determine the placings for the whole series. So even though I didn't win a race or meet any of my personal goals I did make a great accomplishment that I can be proud of. This was something great that I wasn't even expecting and I should be proud of my achievements even if they weren't expected.

There has been a lot that has gone on in my life and my training has had to take a back seat. This is something I learned from a friend as I watched her sacrifice what some would say was to much for her workouts. I watched her struggle in school and I have learned that even though I love to do triathlons I can't lose sight that it's a hobby and should never be an obsession. Even though sometimes I use this as an excuse to get out of training when I really do have the time, I can say that this is an ideal I need to maintain. I do want to become more focused with my training, but never at a sacrifice to my livelihood or my family.

I had a conversation with my coach earlier today and it was really reassuring. Instead of saying you can do it, or don't worry about it he actually had a plan. This to me was way more reassuring than denying my weaknesses and actual gave me more confidence in my abilities. This doesn't mean I'm not nervous and have random feeling of "woe is me", but it does mean that I have something to reassure myself. A proverbial rock to keep me anchored in the sea of regret and doubt. So even though this year of training was not what I expected it was still a great journey and I can only hope to learn from it and use it to improve myself next year. Speaking of next year my best friend has been trying to get me into doing an ultra-marathon and I think he has finally worn down. So as my triathlon season ends my running season begins with a new goal on the horizon. I don't know where this journey will take me but it most certainly will be a fun one.